ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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