my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
