Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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