If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
