one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize