I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Text me some of your sweat
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
