sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
