I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
