I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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