and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
