There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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