i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
