yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
