I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
