Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize