I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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