I can tuck mytits in my pants
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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