Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish there were birth control emojis
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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