Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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