I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize