I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
