I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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