So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
