how can u be prego again
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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