If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize