It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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