I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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