She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
