With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I deserve this hangover.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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