i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
