i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize