Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We are all done wearing pants today
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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