so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
