How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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