I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
