I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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