i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
