Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
