Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
