I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
