He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
