I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
