ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
