thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
