Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
