Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
