He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
