goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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