I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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