Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
