He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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