Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize