Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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