If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
