Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
