First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
