She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
