I puked a lego.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
