I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
