I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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