I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
