so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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