Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
