we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and she was petting her beer can
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
